"Mama! When are we going to start putting up the Christmas decorations?" my oldest daughter excitedly asked.
"And when are we going to set up the Christmas tree?" my youngest daughter chimed in.
Normally, I love decorating for Christmas. I love seeing just how warm and festive I can make our home but this year...well, it was three weeks till Christmas and I wasn't really feeling in the holiday spirit. We are celebrating Christmas at someone else's home and the thought of skipping decorations all together had already crossed my mind several times. I had even day dreamed about the possibility of just pretending Christmas wasn't here.
Why did I feel this way?
My heart was heavy as I reminisced about previous Christmas's. Two years ago my sister passed about a week before Christmas and then just last February, my mother made her transition back to Source. They both loved Christmas. Loved decorating for it, cooking for it, and baking for it. They loved watching all the children excitedly open their presents. Now I'd be lying if I said the family Christmas's were always this warm fuzzy celebration, because most Christmas's were a mixture of thought out decorations, yummy food, jokes followed by hearty laughter, too many sweets, warm fuzzy love, heated conversations, tense moments, and under lying sadness. And yes, every year we would all get together to do it all again.
As my daughters excitement grew, I knew Not celebrating Christmas this year was Not an option. So reluctantly I went to the basement to begin bringing up the decorations. I sifted through a few totes to see just what holiday decor I wanted to deal with right now. As I looked, my husband took totes upstairs for the girls to begin.
Hearing their squeals of delight as they began unwrapping the carefully stored decorations, I decided I better go upstairs and help unwrap. The last thing I wanted right now was a broken ornament to clean up. I sat on a stool, unwrapped decorations and replied, "where ever you would like to sweetie" to their incessant questions of where something should go. My spirits were still low, quite a contrast to my darling little girl's smiling faces and singing voices as they bustled around the house carefully placing a candle here, a wreath there, a snowman here and a Santa there.
The decorating was winding down and I decided to check the totes one last time for any more holiday ornaments. My heart was still heavy as I opened some more totes. One tote in particular that I opened, had ribbon in it that sent a flood of memories of my mother. It hit me all at once and I began to cry. I realized the last two Christmas's I had been strong. Strong for everyone else and had shed only a few tears. Now the tears began to flow. I didn't stop them, I was alone. I softly cried thinking of how I wouldn't be able to hug my mom or sister this year. My heart ached as I realized I wouldn't be able to look in their physical eyes and tell them how much I loved them, or laugh with them.
Just then, a twinge of guilt came over me. You see, I know they are with me. That message came through loud and clear just prior to Thanksgiving. In spirit, they walked with me one morning around my house telling me how much they love and support me. So here I am crying over not being able to be with them in the physical plane when I know I can celebrate with them by my side in the Spirit realm.
Thinking about this, my tears began to subside. I said to myself, "Donice, where do you want to put your focus this season? Do you want to put it on your loss? Or do you want to put it on your blessing of being aware of your mother and sister's presence and celebrate with them in spirit?" I decided right there and then, it felt more right for me to celebrate with them in spirit than to mourn my loss on the physical plane. So I went with it.
With a new perspective I went upstairs and began helping the girls decorate.
The next morning I received an email from a friend. She had recently been to a dear friends funeral and had been blessed with the opportunity to talk at length with a couple of friends of hers. To my delight, she mentioned how one of their conversations had involved my first grade teacher and how she had said that after her beloved husband had passed she could sense his presence. Big deal, I hear you saying. Well, yeah, actually it is a big heal as you see; this dear teacher of mine practiced a very conservative faith. Her having the courage to express feeling her deceased husbands presence to anyone was a huge validation to me that I had indeed made the right choice to celebrate with my mom and sister in spirit.
Will I shed more tears this season? Probably, I'm only human. And I do know that with those tears will come comfort from Source Energy.
Grateful, appreciative, blessed and loved. This is what I am feeling now as I rejoice in this holiday season. Source has given me the precious gift of being reunited with my mom and sister and I'm running with it!
All my love to you and your families as you celebrate this magical time.